Our problems in life show up in three areas:

1. Health
2. Finances
3. Relationships

Statistics (as published by Focus On The Family) show that our society and Christians save a big problem in the area of relationships. The divorce rate is approximately the same for the world as well as Christians which is that approximately 50% of all marriages end in divorce, approximately 67% of 2nd marriages end in divorce, and approximately 75% of 3rd marriages end in divorce.

Who are you going to call when your marriage is in trouble? It turns out that your marriage is in trouble long before you realize it is in trouble (so early recognition is nonexistent).

And, once you become frustrated with your marriage, what makes you think you will have any desire to get your marriage back on track? Weare the humans that will help you keep your marriage healthy or help you save a marriage that is in trouble already. Things to explore:

1. In a relationship, there are always two people (or more). So, we want to hear the
story of both parties – there are always two sides to each story or situation. Many
times (most times) there is only ONE person who wants to resolve problems and
heal the relationship – no problem:

a. In that case, we need to hear your story (we will not get to hear the other person’s side of the story).
b. The good news – we can SOLVE the relationship problems even if YOU
are the ONLY ONE who wants to bring peace and healing to the

i. What is the OTHER person doing that is wrong or bad?

1. If you are reacting – that is bad. We will help you
determine IF you are reacting. We will help you determine
WHY you are reacting. We will help you STOP reacting
and START responding
2. Responding is good. We will help you NEUTRALIZE an
attack. We will help you pour something POSITIVE into
the other person’s attack, and you will see healing develop
where there was only hurt (Jesus, prayer and other things
that you can do will change things – for real).

2. Each person has to do the same things to obtain a healed relationship, but if you
are the only one that wants the relationship healed and restored, then we start with
you. We have to help you learn how to forgive and we will help you become
good at forgiving – for real. Everybody knows they are supposed to forgive – but
nobody knows how to do that or if they have done that. Do you remember when
you were in high school? Did you take the classes on math, science, English, and
forgiveness? Ooops, my high school did not offer a class on forgiveness – did
yours? Classes are great, but workshops are better. If you have never been
through a workshop on forgiveness, then you still have some things to learn about
forgiveness – and I mean YOU.

3. Let’s talk about co-dependency. Everyone is co-dependent – either a lot or a
little. Do you remember taking two semesters of classes in high school on codependency?
Ooops, my high school did not offer that class – how about your
high school? So, what defense mechanisms and coping mechanisms did you grab
onto as a child to protect yourself that became learned behavior that now operates
in you automatically that you are not aware of? What are the repeating behaviors
in your life that are unhealthy? Do you hear yourself saying “I don’t have any
repeating behaviors that are unhealthy”? OK – that means that your denial filters
are firmly in place – very few of us can see our own repeating behaviors that are
unhealthy because we all have our own denial filters to explain and rationalize
why our behaviors are OK.

4. Everyone has “unfinished emotional issues or baggage” from their childhood and
teenage years that you carry with you into your adulthood. You will be able to
see the other person’s baggage, but the laws of co-dependency will prevent you
from seeing your own. There is no doubt that the other person who is attacking
you has emotional issues and that you are seeing them correctly – no problem.
You will be able to help that other person by responding rather than reacting.
What you do will absolutely cause change to occur in the other person who is
attacking you, but the change that you create in the other person will be bad
change if you are reacting. So, we must help you stop reacting and start
responding so that the change that you create in the other person who is attacking
you will be good change.

5. As an analogy, a tiny spark can create a forest fire. Once you understand the laws
of relationships – a tiny, small effort on your part (because you have Jesus
working with you) can and will turn that other person who is attacking you
completely around – you just have to know what to do.
Let’s say you have a Master’s degree in psychology and now you are a certified
relationship therapist – that means you are now a certified expert. I have yet to meet a
Master’s degreed, certified therapist who believes they have mastered all their own
personal “baggage”. So, why would you believe your have mastered YOUR baggage?
Well, let’s say you have mastered your own baggage. Have you learned it well enough to
help someone else? It’s Jesus first, then others, then you – your mission in life is to help
others – right?

Relationships are a BIG DEAL to Jesus. Don’t you think it is time to read a good book
or two on the subject, then role play on each other in a workshop until you have both
learned the subject and practiced/developed the skill? Have you read two books on the
subject? Have you been through a workshop to practice/develop the skill? Do you care
enough to help somebody else?

We are the humans that will help you learn and practice and become able to help others
in the area of relationships. The divorce rate is 50%. I think it is time to get involved
don’t you? Do you want to become the next statistic? Do you want to help others reduce
the statistic? What about damaged relationships between parents and children? The 50%
divorce rate simply captures the statistic of failed marriages. We don’t keep track of
statistics on damaged relationships between parents and children, and that my friend is
what is creating a problem in your marriage relationship and your relationship with your
children and your relationship with your co-workers, etc.

Give us a call:
1. We will help you heal broken and damaged relationships
2. We will help you get good at helping others fix their relationships

Rick Hollman
House Church Ministries for Jesus

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